Northwich GuardianA new dawn and a new day for Billy (From Northwich Guardian)

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A new dawn and a new day for Billy Nomates

‘It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day. It’s a new life for me. I’m feeling good.’

Billy Nomates has come of age. I have seen the light. I am departing from the dark ages. I am leaving the 1960s and joining the modern age.

I am no longer an old puffer. Of course I mean puffer in the sense of a steam train. I know I let off a lot of steam but I am going to become an electric, high-speed monster.

The press is pressing forward and I’m helping to drive the engine. ‘What a complete load of old corporate speak’ I hear you say.

And you are right. I agree with you but I am putting a brave face on.

Some might say I’ve been burying my head in the sand hanging on to the past but I can’t help it. I am a ‘pencil-and- paper man’, ‘a back-of-a-fag-packet man’, and a ‘shoot-from-the-hip kind of guy’. I make notes on the back of my hand but what now?

You don’t need me to tell you there are evil forces at work, a malaise that has inflicted itself upon our civilisation.

It is called progress. The newspaper business is now a cottage industry and you know why don’t you?

Thanks to progress. It’s the blinking Interfere-with life as we knew it-dot-net’ that has upset the interpersonal contact applecart.

You can buy anything from an apple to a spaceship on the internet at the click of a button. You can find either detailed directions to a house or details of the house itself. You can see cars for sale all over the world and arrange for delivery.

You can have food delivered while it’s still hot and beer while it’s still cold.

If it’s a woman you want just click a button and one is there for you somewhere. If you want her to love you then you have to click on another button.

Eddy Tor, our esteemed boss, is now only 3ft 6ins tall and it’s rumoured in the office that he intends to change career and do pantomime this year.

He has auditioned for the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk.

I need to remind him there are other more suitable parts. I want to write more - not less - so I am considering becoming a fully electronic Billy.

I sound like a goat that has his head stuck in the electric fence. If I do I could deliver more trash and introduce new ideas.

Should I take the leap…(‘Yes push off’).

That wasn’t a question – don’t interrupt.

Should I take the leap I hope you might want to jump with me.

I’ll rephrase that. You might consider joining me in the next world. The world of ‘interfere-net’.

We’ll just have to watch this space.

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