I AM trying so very hard to keep upbeat and feel good about myself at the moment.

Last weekend I received a fabulous, first time ever, Puppy Shower organised by myself and my friend Lydia.

When people said they’d never heard of one before I replied “That’s cos they don’t exist. I’ve made it up but what a great way to bring friends together socially”.

Lots of friends, all close to my heart, turned up with gifts for Stanley as we shared a glass of Prosecco and chatted puppy talk as well as catching up with everything that’s going on in our lives.

Having had my second lot of chemo that morning, completing its first cycle, I was given antibiotics as nurses think I have an infection in my swollen, right arm.

I carried on regardless basting my tongue in a medicated paste to ease the pain as my ulcers had started to raise their ugly heads again.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself and was grateful to everyone who came to share an afternoon of chatting and laughter.

During the day a friend told me her 10-year-old dog had been diagnosed with incurable cancer and was being given palliative care now.

A group of us lifted her spirits as we discussed living in the moment and doing lots of lovely things with her to capture and make some fantastic memories.

Instilling some points that things could be worse, I woke the next morning with that on my mind. It was a mirror image of my circumstances.

It was 6.30am having had less than 4 hours sleep and feeling the effects of too much alcohol probably mixed with an infusion of chemo, I dragged myself out of bed with an ache in my heart that cancer was overcoming me.

I thought of Cocoa the dog. Is ignorance bliss?

Having found out I am highly unlikely to get on any more Clinical Trials as CT scans cannot measure the mass on my skin or in my lymphatic system because it isn’t in the form of a tumour, the doctors having practically said (not in so many words but my interpretation) that I could do with it spreading so that I have a measurable tumour.

Do I really want this cancer to spread to an organ so a tumour is formed making me eligible for a trial and giving me back my hope?

I can’t believe I am saying that out loud. It seems so ironic.

After reading many of my 2012 – 2014 blogs whilst in the midst of setting up my website, I noticed that although I ended each one positively, they were all filled with fear and I swore to myself then that the next blog written wouldn’t be.

But I can’t help feeling the fear and the fear-filled blogs are because I only write when something is worrying me.

I write to unburden, finding support and a huge boost knowing people have taken the time to comment and support me.

In this communication process of blogging I find that people are really interested in little, old, boring me. 

So I’ve bit the bullet and I’m trying desperately hard to fathom out Instagram posting short video clips of where I am and where I am up to, feeling a bit stupid but so pleased and completely shocked by the amount of comments that follow.

I have noticed that this gives me a huge lift reading comments of support and so my passion to help others continues.

Maybe this is my calling, another way of performing without the nerves of getting on a stage but helping others get through their own circumstances at the same time.

It’s a win-win situation that I’m more than happy to do so any advice is appreciated.

(I’ve been told I need to gain more followers but haven’t a clue how?)

(You can find Mel on Instagram by searching for  sassy_ibcer)

So I’ll try not to dwell as my friend Ann always says “There’s always something waiting for you round the corner and positivity is your key”.

Emotionally driven, my request has been accepted for all donations to go to my charity choice of raffle tickets, which we are currently selling in O’Neill’s Hair and Beauty with some fabulous prizes, and brochures on the evening of my daughters' Christmas Dance Show at The Parr Hall in Warrington for Felicia Burns on Friday 29th Nov, Saturday 30th Nov and Sunday 1st Dec. 

All proceeds will be going to The Inflammatory Breast Cancer UK Charity. 

Although I may need funding for my own personal treatment of Herceptin in the future I am thinking of the bigger picture and others dealing with the detrimental effects of IBC. 

This was more appropriate at this time I felt.

So readers, who won’t be there on the night, please feel free to pop into the Salon to purchase a raffle ticket at just £1 each.

So even when I get that sinking feeling that all hope is lost, I will dig deeper than I’ve ever done before and find my own form of hope. 

I will live my life in the present moment surrounding myself with joy when and wherever possible be it in vlogs, blogs, Stanley, watching my kids perform… the list goes on.

I just have to look hard enough and enjoy what I’m doing in my life at the moment and not look too far in the future because there lies my fear and I choose not to go there but concentrate on how full my life is right now.

Our blogger Melanie O'Neill has two children and was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer more than eight years ago.