Remember when we were bamboozled by ‘experts’ into believing that on the stroke of midnight 1999 jet airliners would fall from the skies, hospital equipment would malfunction and every computer on the planet would stop working?

Like millions of others, I fell for the Millennium Bug theory although I did wonder how such global catastrophe would unfold with midnight occurring across different time zones.

Would an aeroplane travelling overnight from New York to Hawaii have five different opportunities for disaster to strike?

In the event I need not have worried. The digital watch I purchased from Asda for £6 never missed a beat, aeroplanes remained in the sky and (thankfully) not a single hospital faced Armageddon.

So I was more than a little sceptical about ‘expert’ predictions of global warming. Fool me once shame on you...fool me twice shame on me etc.

It took me considerable time to accept that global warming wasn’t just the earth’s natural adjustment (remember we had an Ice Age once).

For governments around the world global warming was, if not entirely a heaven-sent opportunity, a unique chance to introduce a tax hike with full public support.

Protesting against saving the world would be like spitting in church.

On a wave of emotion they stung us for an ever-increasing eco tax that was swiftly lost in government coffers.

So yes, I’ve taken a lot of convincing especially when global warming takes a back seat whenever governments smell cash from extra runways or new airports.

Nevertheless David Attenborough believed the planet was heading for meltdown and his word was good enough to win me over.

That is until the ‘experts’ decreed we should all stop eating meat as the flatulence emanating from livestock is roughly equivalent to all the exhaust emissions of every car, train, ship and aircraft on the planet.

Obviously they are having a laugh at our expense (the boffins not the animals). What next? Will they ask everyone to give up beer and prosecco for the same flatulent reason?

I was on board with cutting back air travel and making politicians ride bikes. I was even prepared to walk into town instead of taking the car but blaming it on cows and sheep...get real.

What do you want to see when you look at a green pasture – farm animals or high-density housing?

I rest my case.

By Guardian columnist Vic Barlow