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PC (political correctness) and PC (profit consideration) are driving the fun out of bingo.
I Have kidnapped the editor (Eddy Tor) and brought him here to a secret location where I am administering a very painful torture.
TODAY I have masterminded a cunning plan to change my financial status to that of a millionaire by persuading you to help by claiming illicit benefits on my behalf. I can accept cheques made out to Billy Nomates but regrettably cannot take cash and have no facility to process credit card transactions.
MS NOMATES says that I am a hypochondriac just because I whinge and whine a little.
‘I BEG your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden’.
THE general election came and stayed. We certainly showed the rest of the world how it’s done didn’t we? I bet the Afghans can’t wait to surrender now and experience the same sophistication as we did.
I WOULD like to thank the wonderful local artist – soon to be internationally famous if I have my way – Michael Troy.
IF you should ever follow any one of my brothers into the gents... I’ll start again. If you ever watch any one of my brothers in the gents… No wait. This does not sound as it should, does it?
DEAR MD of my Energy Company, (I can’t name names but it begins with N) How’s your day? (I hate it when they say that).
DEAR Mr Brown, I hope your bunch enjoyed the long Christmas break, which we, the British public, paid for one way or another.
MS NOMATES and I were invited to a bonfire, or to be accurate, her youngest had been invited and we were tagged on to the invitation.
MS Nomates and I went to Tesco to get a newspaper. Why does the Daily Mail only put the free DVDs in those sold in either WH Smith or Tesco? Ronnie Rover began to play up. We thought, maybe it was because he doesn’t like Tesco or maybe he doesn’t like going shopping on Sunday, which is somewhat understandable.
BEFORE I kick off I want to make it perfectly clear that so far I have had nothing but good service and courtesy from the staff of a well known establishment which can’t be named for legal reasons.
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