When I was a baby prams were enormous. There was no way to get one in a car without taking the wheels off which would take forever.

Thankfully by the time my kids arrived we had neat little buggies you could almost slip under your jacket enabling us to nip out at a moment’s notice.

Plonk it in the boot (the buggy...not the baby) and off we’d go.

You could manoeuvre those little jockeys anywhere and we did. I must have pushed our buggy twice around the globe.

It went to Spain, Ibiza, Portugal and would have made it to Florida had the kids not refused to use it (that’s teenagers for you).

I often wondered how they’d improve on that splendid design. I imagined an ultra light stroller made from kryptonite or maybe an inflatable model that could be folded inside a handbag. How wrong was I?

I now spend my life dodging baby juggernauts.

Have you seen the size of those contraptions? The baby doesn’t look up at mummy...he looks down.

I bumped into one this week and the baby head butted me.

Some have twin seats like a Harrier Jump Jet.

How long does it take to get all that gear into the car? You’d be better off with a low-loader.

Trendy mums spend over a grand on top models boasting really useful accessories like mosquito nets and coffee cup holders.

I love the macho brand names like Mountain Buggy, Speedi SX and Bugaboos.

You couldn’t just saunter around the park with a Speedi SX or walk the seafront with a Mountain Buggy.

You’d be compelled to sprint like Jessica Ennis or clamber up Snowdon.

Heaven knows what you do with a Bugaboo but I suspect a gentle stroll is out of the question.

No wonder modern mums look so stressed.

By the time they’ve made gluten free lunch packs, fed the cat, wrestled the kids into the car, loaded up the Speedi SX, screamed four letter words at passing motorists and bludgeoned their way around Sainsbury’s there’s hardly time to get the little one a blended babyccino.

If I’m found bleeding in the gutter after this article, look for a gurgling baby in a dented Bugaboo.

By Vic Barlow