MPs returned to the European issue yesterday amid confusion and farce.
ANYONE trying to come up with a definition of confusion might, in
future, simply have to say the words: ''Maastricht Bill.'' It began what
will be a tortuous progress through its House of Commons committee stage
yesterday, and all hell broke loose.
There were elements of pantomime as MPs embarked on almost 90 minutes
of points of order, in which the selection (or not) of what some argued
were crucial amendments was discussed. Most of it was to do with whether
or not there should or could be a referendum.
The yawn factor was there, of course, with Mr Ron Leighton (Newham
North-East -- Lab) producing a superb example, and Mr Tam Dalyell
(Linlithgow -- Lab.) not far behind.
Mr Menzies Campbell (Fife North East -- Lib. Dem.) stifled one, but
the ''most relaxed MP'' prize must go to Foreign Office Minister Tristan
Garel-Jones, who spent the entire proceedings with his feet up on the
despatch box table and his hands clasped behind his head.
Teddy bear fan Mr Gyles Brandreth (City of Chester -- Con.) rather
summed up the feelings of some in the House when he rose to say: ''Most
of the points of order do not appear to me to be points of order.''
''Oh yes they were,'' said Deputy Speaker Michael Morris, who was in
charge of the proceedings, but one waited in vain for the obvious
rejoinder.
All the stars of the Maastricht firmament were on show -- Tony Benn,
Ted Heath, Bill Cash, Teddy Taylor -- and some of them were called more
than once by the ever-patient Mr Morris, whose bow-tied outfit was a
cross between a Dickensian bank clerk and a snooker referee.
Sir Teddy (Southend East -- Con.) raised what he optimistically said
would be three very brief points of order, but was clearly thrown off
course a bit later when he thought he had been called again, only to
find that Mr Morris wanted to hear from Mr Ian Taylor (Esher) who was
sitting on the bench in front.
Sir Teddy paced up and down in consternation, unsettled by remarks
from the other Taylor and the Harlequin-suited Mrs Edwina Currie, who
was strategically placed on the bench behind.
The exchanges began at 3.44pm and ended at 5.07pm, with Mr Morris
insisting that he wanted to deal with each point of order one at a time.
Miss Emma Nicholson (Devon West and Torridge -- Con.) argued that a
''small but vocal minority'' was intent on impeding the progress of the
Bill and that the House should proceed with haste. ''The chair does not
feel impeded at the moment,'' said Mr Morris.
Mr Dennis Skinner (Bolsover -- Lab.) said there was ''something very
sinister about the whole affair,'' while the ultra Euro-sceptic on the
Tory benches Mr William Cash (Stafford) was accused by Mr Morris of
making interventions which were ''increasingly ingenious but
unhelpful.'' He thought, not unreasonably, that taking a point of order
during what already was a point of order was pushing it a bit.
An indication of the trouble in store came last night when Mr Cash
spoke for two hours and 22 minutes on the first formal amendment to the
Bill. To much hilarity, he was interrupted at the witching hour of 10pm
by a Government whip who wanted to report that the House had made
progress. They had not made much progress, and Mr Cash will take up the
cudgels again today.
The Maastricht show is set to run and run.
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