'I couldn't sweep my sexuality under the carpet any longer'

The death of my mother also played an important part in this. She was one of the closest people to me in my life, but she died without me ever feeling able to have an honest conversation with her about who I really was as a person. And that is a regret that I continue to carry with me.

I remember listening to Radio 4 one morning after my marriage broke down. I felt a sense of despair - that all of life had collapsed in on me wondering where God was in all of this and a woman said on the radio: the things you run from in life are the very things that run your life.' And I realised that day that I couldn't sweep my sexuality under the carpet any longer. I accepted that my sexuality was an issue I had to face and deal with - for my own health and wellbeing and those who are closest to me.

It has been of immense value to me that following our divorce, my ex-wife Ruth and I remain great friends, and are able to bring up our daughter in a happy and loving environment. I am strengthened by the knowledge that Christ loves me and is with me and also by the kindness of other people who have reminded me what Christianity is all about.

I am quite proud of David the Rev Rennie's partner. Not everyone would have been prepared to stay and be supportive in these circumstances. It says a lot about him, his character, and his own strong Christian faith. This experience has greatly strengthened my faith. I feel both strong and at the same time battered. Battered by weeks of speculation about my private life, which no other minister would have - or should be expected - to endure. On the other hand, and for the greater part, I feel hugely strengthened and supported by the hundreds of messages I have received from people both inside and outside the Kirk.

Some of the correspondence I have received has been deeply moving: very often from gay people who are serving in the ministry, or as lay people in their churches - and who feel caught between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, they feel the church does not understand or appreciate them as gay people. And on the other, they are treated with suspicion within the gay community because of their Christian faith - no doubt, because of the negative treatment of gay people by the church throughout history.

Although the present discussion centres around my own response to God's call, all the correspondence over the last few months has reminded me that there is a large body of people, like me, in a similar situation, in the Kirk.

I have known a call to ministry since I was an older child at primary school. That sense of call deepened in my teenage years, though it was frequently derided by others. But I always knew that God wanted me to serve him through parish ministry and in the church. Now my sense of call is stronger than ever.

Only the other week, I had a letter from my primary seven teacher whom I had not seen for years. She mentioned in her letter that as a child I had been determined to become a minister. So she was not surprised when she heard of my call to Queen's Cross Parish Church in Aberdeen. Her hope was that my sense of call remained as strong as it was then, which it has.

Having lived happily with my partner in Brechin, getting on with parish life and all that entails, I did not imagine, given how peaceable and happy my time in Brechin has been (with no fuss whatsoever), that such a furore would be caused following my desire to respond to God's call by moving church. It certainly was never in any way my intention to be at the centre of what has transpired. I understand where those who oppose my call are coming from. I grew up in a conservative evangelical church and initially shared their perspective. I wrestled with that perspective internally, for most of my life. Now I think that it is mistaken, however faithfully held.

There are differing interpretations of Scripture on the issue of human sexuality and other issues in the church. There is nothing to be gained by wars of interpretation on this or any other issue in the church.

What we really have to achieve is the ability to calmly share our perspectives with each other and respect them. That is what the 2007 Sexuality report called for. We need to agree to differ and not lose sight of all that we share in common. The problems begin when we subscribe to a winner-takes-all view of theological debate and we don't leave space for one another.

In the church, we are often uncomfortable talking about issues relating to sexuality. So when you are dealing with a minority group defined, by some in the church, with reference to their sexuality, that tends to make many people - understandably - very uncomfortable.

But I think it is time for the church as a whole to take an honest look at itself, and its perspectives on sexuality, in much the same way that it has had the courage over the years to do so on issues of: gender; power; and, most recently, sectarianism.

I think it is fair to say that reconciliation between my own sexuality and the Bible's teaching on sexuality has been at times a long and painful process. Today, having worked through this, I feel a much more healthy and rounded person.

I grew up with a terrible fear of who I was inside, and how other people around me might react to who I really am. But now, with a deeper understanding of the love and grace of Jesus Christ, I have been able to leave that terrible fear behind. As a young man growing up in a conservative church, it felt impossible to deal with issues around my own sexuality. It did not feel like a safe environment, and certainly not one in which I could have found support and understanding. So, I came to believe that I had to ignore it and do what I thought was the right thing at the time: live a heterosexual life.

Also at school, I witnessed firsthand homophobic bullying, and the menace that anyone who even seemed gay was subjected to. It was not a pretty sight.

In terms of sexuality, Biblical authors did not have the modern knowledge and understanding of sexuality that we have today. Nor should we expect them to. Committed gay relationships are not addressed in scripture, because culturally speaking, they didn't exist. Lifting verses out of their original context leads to misinterpretation.

In the Bible it says "Slaves obey your masters as the Lord" which, at face value, supports slavery. But we agree today that God is not condoning slavery for all time. This verse is addressing a specific first century cultural situation. It seems to me that the four passages in the New Testament that are claimed by some to address homosexuality must also be interpreted within their first century context. A context that knew nothing of loving, committed lesbian and gay relationships.

You often hear the cry "hate the sin but love the sinner". For me it is a false dichotomy. I can testify to the fact that it was impossible for me to experience this blanket condemnation of homosexuality as loving.

Instead, it caused me to hate and fear a large part of myself - an experience gay and lesbian Christians around the world will relate to. For me, when I encountered the Jesus who, first and foremost, loves and accepts us - the Jesus who prioritised love and healing people over the blunt imposition of law - it was a revelation.

I realised that I had been caught up with - like the Pharisees - a restrictive legalism not grace. In denying my sexuality, I was rejecting Jesus's unconditional love for and acceptance of me, and saying there was something wrong with the way God had created me.

One of the great themes of the Old Testament is the importance of covenant in relationships. I cannot believe that the destruction of committed relationships between people is what God wants, or what the Biblical authors had in their minds when writing. Excerpts from OneKirk Journal. Read the full article at www.onekirk.org